One of these days I would like to be able to walk down the hall without getting awkward sideways glances from people. I know that they are just jealous, they don't need to stare :) In a world where we (try to) embrace diversity, why is it so hard to be different? The sad thing is that I think I would probably stare too, judgements are innate in us from society, how sad.
Yet is it right for me to judge? It is not the judgements that are always the problem as they are part of our innate learned behavior that we learn from society. What is bad is when people make judgements that are unfair or unwarranted. Or worse they act on these judgements in an unjustified way.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
New Hair and a rainy day!
So I wanted a change for the summer, I decided to go with Pinky Red Hair! After getting my hair cut I found a camera and this is the event that followed. Enjoy! :)
Head on
Side view
From above
Close up!
Poser
Oh such a poser!
Miss thoughtful.....
On another note: it rained today. I mean it absolutely chucked it down!
I really like standing in the rain, feeling it hit my skin makes me feel so alive! I know it may sound stupid, but its true!
It was amazing! :)
The rainy view from our house
Driving
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Friendship
If you search google images for friendship, this is what comes up. This is for you all of my friends! :)
Home
Following my identity crisis that I had a couple days ago, yesterday I was talking with a friend about what 'home' is to us and how we both don't really know where that is right now.
We have both lived abroad and have moved from placed to place every couple of years, so we have never really had a 'home.' In the stationary sense of the word.
For me there are multiple definitions of the word home: For one there is my place of birth and heritage home, England. Then there is the place that I am living now and where I have lived before (Colorado, Japan, England.) Finally (this is the big one for me) there is a home, where I feel that I totally belong and could live forever.
England for me is my biological home and holds a special place in my heart as I have many childhood memories from there and my family lives there. It is special to me, but I don't know if it is where I belong. When I was younger and we moved back to England (for what we thought was going to be for go, ha ha :) ), I thought that I would truly feel at home there and feel as though I belong. Yet to my surprise I did not, strangely enough I felt like a foreigner in my own country, none of my friends (at the time) understood where I was coming from as they had all lived in the same place their whole lives. I just felt very out of place. Overtime however I adapted and fit in and made some very special relationships and enjoyed my time in England, I almost didn't want to uproot again to come to university in Colorado.
Moving to Colorado was hard for me as I had just started getting used to my life in England, although I knew that I didn't want to stay there forever. I almost felt as though I had made a bad decision by coming here as I didn't feel as though I fit in (I had reverted to my English self.)
When I lived in Japan I felt as though I didn't fit in. I fit in by not fitting in though (not speaking the language, looking the same, etc.), I spent time with all the international people and had a community of people that felt just like me, outsiders. Living in Colorado and England feels very different from that as we all speak the same language and look similar, so there is an expectation that we should fit in. Although I am friends with many TCK's and international students, who all know where I am coming from, we have all had very different and individual experiences that it can sometimes be hard to relate in such a close and personal way.
However now I have been in Colorado for a while I do feel as though I fit in and that this is the right place for me to be right now. I have a close knit group of friends around me, who I can just be me with. My parents are also moving here, which I feel quite excited about, however I am kind of nervous, as I feel like I am leaving England far behind, as I don't know when I will be back there.
I know that all my friends have moved on, just as I have here, we still have place in each others hearts for each other, it will just be different when I go back. I think that it what I am most scared about.
I realize that I live my life and base my stability in the people that I am around, I have learned how to adapt and make friendships as that is the only thing that kind of keeps constant is the fact that no matter where I live I can make friends, who make that place special for me to live in.
That is what I am scared about when I leave university, I just wish all my friends could live with me all the time and that I could take them with me, when I travel. Because I know that after University we will all move on to the next step on our life journey's which is good and although we will keep in touch, our relationships will change. My only hope is that when we do meet up again in the future it is as though we were never apart.
The world is so big and yet so small, yet it is hard to live where you want to live and keep the people that you want around you. I haven't found the place where I feel that I belong, yet I don't know if I ever will. But that is ok, I think I just need to learn to be content with where I am right now and realize that right now is where I belong and that the future will take care of itself.
We have both lived abroad and have moved from placed to place every couple of years, so we have never really had a 'home.' In the stationary sense of the word.
For me there are multiple definitions of the word home: For one there is my place of birth and heritage home, England. Then there is the place that I am living now and where I have lived before (Colorado, Japan, England.) Finally (this is the big one for me) there is a home, where I feel that I totally belong and could live forever.
England for me is my biological home and holds a special place in my heart as I have many childhood memories from there and my family lives there. It is special to me, but I don't know if it is where I belong. When I was younger and we moved back to England (for what we thought was going to be for go, ha ha :) ), I thought that I would truly feel at home there and feel as though I belong. Yet to my surprise I did not, strangely enough I felt like a foreigner in my own country, none of my friends (at the time) understood where I was coming from as they had all lived in the same place their whole lives. I just felt very out of place. Overtime however I adapted and fit in and made some very special relationships and enjoyed my time in England, I almost didn't want to uproot again to come to university in Colorado.
Moving to Colorado was hard for me as I had just started getting used to my life in England, although I knew that I didn't want to stay there forever. I almost felt as though I had made a bad decision by coming here as I didn't feel as though I fit in (I had reverted to my English self.)
When I lived in Japan I felt as though I didn't fit in. I fit in by not fitting in though (not speaking the language, looking the same, etc.), I spent time with all the international people and had a community of people that felt just like me, outsiders. Living in Colorado and England feels very different from that as we all speak the same language and look similar, so there is an expectation that we should fit in. Although I am friends with many TCK's and international students, who all know where I am coming from, we have all had very different and individual experiences that it can sometimes be hard to relate in such a close and personal way.
However now I have been in Colorado for a while I do feel as though I fit in and that this is the right place for me to be right now. I have a close knit group of friends around me, who I can just be me with. My parents are also moving here, which I feel quite excited about, however I am kind of nervous, as I feel like I am leaving England far behind, as I don't know when I will be back there.
I know that all my friends have moved on, just as I have here, we still have place in each others hearts for each other, it will just be different when I go back. I think that it what I am most scared about.
I realize that I live my life and base my stability in the people that I am around, I have learned how to adapt and make friendships as that is the only thing that kind of keeps constant is the fact that no matter where I live I can make friends, who make that place special for me to live in.
That is what I am scared about when I leave university, I just wish all my friends could live with me all the time and that I could take them with me, when I travel. Because I know that after University we will all move on to the next step on our life journey's which is good and although we will keep in touch, our relationships will change. My only hope is that when we do meet up again in the future it is as though we were never apart.
The world is so big and yet so small, yet it is hard to live where you want to live and keep the people that you want around you. I haven't found the place where I feel that I belong, yet I don't know if I ever will. But that is ok, I think I just need to learn to be content with where I am right now and realize that right now is where I belong and that the future will take care of itself.
What does it mean to be a TCK?
In our Global Connections meeting on Monday we talked about what our group originally stood for and that was to support TCK's (Third Culture Kids.) Third Culture Kids are individuals who have grown up overseas or in a different place from their parents. These individuals have 2 (or more) cultures in their lives, the culture(s) that their parents are from and the culture that they grow up in. These 2 cultures then merge to from a third culture, the culture of the individual (e.g. TCK.)
I myself am a TCK, but living here in Colorado have never thought that I really identified with that identity as I don't talk very much about living in Japan and I have family here so I mainly identify with the English and American sides of me. I think when I lived in England I was more of a TCK as I was identifying more with Japan after just moving from there.
However, recently I have been thinking about what I identify with nowadays and I realize that I am more of a TCK than I previously thought. One thing that I noticed recently is that although I identify with my English side, people often know more about England than I do. This often makes me quite upset as it makes me sad that I do not know much about the history, politics, etc of my country of birth. I know this cannot be helped, because I have been to many different schools all over the world and have never really learned it at school. However it still makes me sad, when people ask me questions that I don't know and that I have never taken the time or had the interest to pursue. I guess it makes me sad because it makes me feel as though my English side of me has gotten just a little bit smaller, by not know things.
I often feel this with other identities that I have like the Japanese and American sides of me. When people in England used to ask me things about America or when people ask me whether I can speak Japanese and I say that I no longer can, I feel myself shrink a little bit inside.
I think I feel this way because whenever I am in a different country I fit in by not fitting in, e.g. I fall back on my other identities. And if I don't have these identities to fall back on, then who am I?
I guess I am a mix of all of these cultures, that is my third culture. It is just that when you know or are a little bit of everything, sometimes you can feel like you are nothing.
I myself am a TCK, but living here in Colorado have never thought that I really identified with that identity as I don't talk very much about living in Japan and I have family here so I mainly identify with the English and American sides of me. I think when I lived in England I was more of a TCK as I was identifying more with Japan after just moving from there.
However, recently I have been thinking about what I identify with nowadays and I realize that I am more of a TCK than I previously thought. One thing that I noticed recently is that although I identify with my English side, people often know more about England than I do. This often makes me quite upset as it makes me sad that I do not know much about the history, politics, etc of my country of birth. I know this cannot be helped, because I have been to many different schools all over the world and have never really learned it at school. However it still makes me sad, when people ask me questions that I don't know and that I have never taken the time or had the interest to pursue. I guess it makes me sad because it makes me feel as though my English side of me has gotten just a little bit smaller, by not know things.
I often feel this with other identities that I have like the Japanese and American sides of me. When people in England used to ask me things about America or when people ask me whether I can speak Japanese and I say that I no longer can, I feel myself shrink a little bit inside.
I think I feel this way because whenever I am in a different country I fit in by not fitting in, e.g. I fall back on my other identities. And if I don't have these identities to fall back on, then who am I?
I guess I am a mix of all of these cultures, that is my third culture. It is just that when you know or are a little bit of everything, sometimes you can feel like you are nothing.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Relay for Life 2011!
Relay for Life was so good last night, even if it was a bit tiring lol. :)
I am quite proud of myself I will be honest, I had not trained for it and I was pleased about how much I could walk it.
I think that over all I walk for about 3 and a half hours. I think I walked about 8.4 miles.
It was an amazing experience, really nice to help out a good cause while being able to spend time with friends at the same time.
I am quite proud of myself I will be honest, I had not trained for it and I was pleased about how much I could walk it.
I think that over all I walk for about 3 and a half hours. I think I walked about 8.4 miles.
It was an amazing experience, really nice to help out a good cause while being able to spend time with friends at the same time.
My first time at Sonic! Eating in a car is so overrated lol :)
Shreya and Lizzy doing the first laps for the team!
Eunhee and Grace 'preparing' for their lap
Colorful campsite madness with all the teams
Opening Ceremony
Playing Egyptian Rat Screw to pass the time
Hanging out singing songs and eating Cinnamon rolls. Definitely enjoying the finer things of life. :)
Gnomes can make jolly good glass stands :)
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Miss print in previous blog post
I didn't mean that it was my last blog ever, just my last blog for my front desk shift. :)
Sorry for the confusion!
Just hanging out right now at Relay for Life for the American Cancer Society. It is a great day of remembrance, but also of celebrating the survivors and the progress made in science! It really makes me think, but is also encouraging. :)
Sorry for the confusion!
Just hanging out right now at Relay for Life for the American Cancer Society. It is a great day of remembrance, but also of celebrating the survivors and the progress made in science! It really makes me think, but is also encouraging. :)
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